Thursday, July 19, 2012

Curse of the Stay At Home*

So during my daily morning routine of checking a certain social media website I can't help but to notice how awesome and exciting other people's lives seem. I can't help feeling like I am accomplishing nothing. Yea yea yea I know I am "molding a human being" my job "is the most important in the world" blah blah. Yes it is completely true that being a mother is the most important and most rewarding job on the face of this earth, but it sure doesn't seem like that somedays. I think this is the curse of the stay at home.

Whether you are home by choice (lucky you) or because no one wants to hire you (sighhhhh), there is still the nagging feeling that you aren't doing anything. Yea, in the long term a mother is accomplishing more than a Nobel Prize winnning scientist. The long term result of the daily readings of Dr. Suess and endless patty cake is pretty amazing. Yet, it doesn't feel that way when each day feels like its just the same mindless tasks on the to-do or fatigue-inducing toddler entertainment. It is hard to see the forest through the trees. Regardless of how busy I am and how entirely drained I am at the end of the day I still somehow feel as though I have accomplished nothing!!! You know that saying "a woman's work is never done" (first of all, it should be a "mother's work") well the saying is true. It doesn't matter how many dishes I washed, how many meals were prepared, or how many gross 'my god what did she eat' diapers I change- the next day I just start all over again as though my hardwork didn't do anything. Why bother washing the floor when not 30 seconds after I put the mop away my darling daughter throws her plate of cantalope on it? The only thing I successfully put away permanently is that bag of chips, but that's only because it found a new home in my tummy....

A friend recently asked how motherhood was and since she's a pretty good friend I decided to be honest. My response? It is like trying to dig a hole in the sand entirely too close to the waves. Everytime you make a little progress whoosshhh the wave washes it away and you are left feeling as though you did nothing, but just like motherhood after hours upon hours of doing this over and over you have AMAZINGLY strong arms and sand everywhere. (I'll let you ponder that last part)

Ultimately, motherhood is rewarding, I guess. I just have to keep repeating it to myself- Every diaper, every painstakingly diced up piece of food, every nighttime wake-up call brings her one tiny unsteady step towards adulthood. Everyday that I diligently chase after her, patiently pick up everything that she drops again and again, and realistically fake enthusiasm for yet another game of patty cake she is becoming a better human being. and God help her if she doesn't include me in her Nobel Prize acceptance speech!




* I am sure this feeling is not limited to Stay at Homes, but I can only write what I know (or at least can reasonably convince you that I know)

4 comments:

  1. Yep, I think this is the curse of motherhood in general, though I guess if you had an awesome job you'd feel like you were really getting something done. But then at home, there's still that ever-expanding list of things-to-be-done-that-I-have-no-time-or-energy-to-do. And a lot of time at work that I spend thinking "If only I was home, I could get something accomplished!" Of course, that implies being home with no kids, because, seriously, I don't know how to get anything really accomplished with the babes around. It cuts both ways, I think. And yes, they all had better give us shout-outs in their Nobel Prize acceptance/inauguration speeches :)

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  2. I agree! I feel like I just walk around aimlessly keeping my children alive throughout the day. Then I wake up the next day to do it all over again.

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  3. It sort of feels like the Bill Murrary movie right?

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  4. I was annoyed until I got to the end. I like that it seems a little tongue in cheek. I hope at least!

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