Monday, July 16, 2012

My kid's name is better than your kid's name*

At first I was feeling a little guilty that I expressed such disgust at our college friend's new baby's name to my husband. I won't mention it here but think whore... of BIBLICAL proportions. I judge my friends' choices of names all the time. This is probably why they refuse to tell me until I am actually holding little Albert or Samoa. I don't just judge randomly I have rules

1- If you aren't pregnant and you tell me any possible offspring names you will get my complete uncensored opinion. Case in point- Our friends decided that if they were going to have twin girls they would name them Rose and Scarlet and I said "oh so you will be giving birth to a stripper and an 80 year old lady?' (I am pretty sure I stole that joke from somewhere...)

2- if you are pregnant and you ask my opinion. I'll still be really honest but probably way more edited.

3- if we are close friends I'll share my opinion even if I'm not asked

4- if we aren't good friends I'll probably just mock your choice behind your back.

So really if I tell you I hate your intended name its just like a Hallmark card saying how close I feel to you....

Anyway a couple thoughts about names...
1- Ok yea everyone says "oh it doesn't matter as long as you like it". No! That's wrong its not a paint color for your wall its your kid's NAME. You are saddling your kid with a name for the rest of his/her life. My opinion now is probably going to be the same as many other people's opinions later... and really what other people think DOES count. Chances are if you name your kid "Wolf" or "Danger" people will assume(unfairly but probably accurately) that your kid is a little sh*t.

2- opinions are just that. Just because I happen to hate aliteration when it comes to names...doesn't mean its a bad choice; it might just mean you have a crazy friend.

3- Preggos are crazy and what sounds good to them (ie pickles and ice) may not actually go together. So if your children's names sound like you are secretly forming your own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle group, I am probably going to mention that... :)
Sidenote- this is a true story, but the crisis (in my opinion, of course) was averted in this case and dearest friend chose a way better name that doesn't make me want to call her Master Splinter- I only tease her now because both her kids have pretty kick ass names

4- I am a firm believer in 'don't dish it if you can't take'. My child's name is CRAZY en vogue right now. I get it. She will be one of 8 with that name in her class. Lots of people told me this lots of time, but it's ok. A- I loved the name way before it became popular. B-I grew up never being able to find a sticker (magnet, mug etc) with my name and that made me sad. So I am sparing my child that particular pain. So I appreciate your opinions, I will take them under advisement, now why on earth are you naming your kid that name?

The birth board... oh my how I love thee. (Please see earlier post) So preggo birth boarders ALWAYS post their ideas for names and for some reason, as if just to tempt me, they have TERRIBLE choices. So I tell them. Totally unedited. Because heck they are strangers and I use up all my niceness on people I actually care about...

I really lucked out though because my closest friends have all, in the end, given their kids names that, even if I wouldn't make it my first choice, I actually really like and really seem to fit the particular kid and when it comes down to it "your kid is going to be too pretty for that name" really isn't a bad thing to say to anyone....

* The title is, of course, a joke. Please don't get in a tizzy- despite the fact that I seem to think I know everything, I don't actually know your kid's name and therefore can't compare it to my kid's name. (Although my kid's name is pretty kick a$s and probably IS better than your kid's)

2 comments:

  1. Oh I forgot- I also always do the "president, doctor, Supreme Court Justice test" as in can you put those titles in front of your kid's name without it sounding dumb- if so you are probably ok, but 'President Danger?'....no thank you!

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  2. Oh, I always see the worst name choices, but I try to remember that not everyone would choose my name choices!

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